Special Needs Mothers: Slow Down Before It’s Too Late!

(This post was written about 3 years ago. I stumbled upon it and quickly realised how crazy I had become at one point about teaching my little precious girl. The day used to be about me completing all the tasks I had planned. All the reading, all the maths and all the sensory activities I could push in the few hours I had with her in the evening. It is difficult to confess but there was a time when I needed to slow down but couldn’t as that used to make me feel guilty! and then this happened! I am sharing this today because many of my fellow mothers and lovely friends are going through this phase and I can so identify with them when they are overwhelmed, anxious and completely run down by all the tasks in a day. I learned my lesson the hard way, you shouldn’t…)

It’s 6:30 in the evening. Mama and Aarshia are back from the park after an hour of playing and running around. Aarshia is a little upset because as usual she didn’t want to come back. Her lying on the road tantrum made Mama really annoyed. She had to pick her up several times and finally carry her two floors. Now Aarshia doesn’t want to study and this is further enraging Mama because she has to make dinner and iron clothes for tomorrow morning plus the hundred other small chores. 

Mama wants her to finish up the last page of homework before getting onto other things. So she sits with this little girl while keeping an eye on the clock…

Mama:     Aarshia, write what comes after 12?

Aarshia:   (head down) no answer!

Mama:     (A little loudly) “What comes after 12, dear?”

Aarshia:   Still no answer (fiddling with the pencil)

Mama:     Aarshia you will not get to watch any TV if you don’t write it soon. (Thinking                      what would she prepare for dinner, now that it’s almost 6:45?)

Aarshia:   (looking at the notebook) but no answer yet!

Mama:     Aarshia! “Do you want Mama to get angry?” (Wondering if she had to                                buy something for son’s English project)

Aarshia:  ( No reaction…no answer!)

Mama:    “I am asking one last time before I get really mad. Please write what comes after               12? I know you know it.” ( thinking again…Eggs and Poha are finished…I will                      have to give them bread and jam in the morning…hang on! I will have to get                    bread! I wish hubby dear was posted here in India )

Also read: 50 Thoughts Inside The Head Of A Special Needs Mother!

Aarshia:    (finally scribbling something with the pencil.)

Mama:      “Great! Let me see what you wrote… ” Getting furious at seeing a smiley on the                  paper! (Now almost yelling) “Why can’t you write a simple number when you                      know it? Stop making that smiley. I want to see the number that comes after                    12”. “Do you understand?”

Aarshia:     (looking at mama with no expression and no intention of writing anything.)

Mama:       (losing it finally and yelling ) “fine! You don’t want to do it. Let it be”!  “Don’t                      learn and don’t get promoted to the next grade. Go and watch your TV. I don’t                  know what I am doing here teaching you. You don’t want to learn… go, just go                  to your room.”

Aarshia:    (looking at mama with curled lips and water in the eyes, trying to figure out the                  damage.)

( Mom realises she has gone too far… controls herself, counts till 20, takes a deep breath and hugs the daughter. The daughter breaks down as if she was holding it more than the mother. Mom wipes her tears, makes her sit on her lap and tells her that everybody in her class is studying so hard and she need to buckle up. They all are getting bigger every day by studying. doesn’t she want to be like them..? Like BIG?)

Aarshia:       NO! I NO big..

Mama:         (No Answer!) 🙁

Slow Down Mummy

slow down mummy, there is no need to rush,

slow down mummy, what is all the fuss?

slow down mummy, make yourself a cup of tea.

slow down mummy, come spend some time with me.

slow down mummy, let’s pull boots on for a walk,

let’s kick at piles of leaves, and smile and laugh and talk.

slow down mummy, you look ever so tired,

come sit and snuggle under the duvet, and rest with me a while.

slow down mummy, those dirty dishes can wait,

slow down mummy, let’s have some fun – bake a cake!

slow down mummy, I know you work a lot,

but sometimes mummy, it’s nice when you just stop.

sit with us a minute,

and listen to our day,

spend a cherished moment,

because our childhood won’t stay!

~ R. Knight

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