Special Need Mothers: Do You Have Wings?

It all started with a simple question that I was asked on LIVE TV by the anchor (Yes, I want  to boast that I was on TV!). This interview was a part of the awareness programmes organised on the occasion of the ‘World down syndrome day’ and was being aired on ‘National TV’. The question was completely uncalled and unprepared-for, coming from the 20 something girl with the pancake makeup, who was least bothered about ‘Down syndrome.’ But it definitely didn’t go unnoticed by me who got into the analysis and then the paralysis of what she meant!

The question was ‘What qualities do you think the mother of a special need child should have?’

I went blank for a moment, I didn’t send an application to God saying I had all the qualification , experience, aptitude and attitude to be a special needs mother and I should be ‘chosen.’ But   on a second thought, I internally checked for my special golden wings, the X-ray glasses, the turbo charger energy giving superwoman suit (in pink), the invisible yellow cape, the flying supercar, my sixteen hands and finally the crappy people finder remote, and I answered with a really fake smile that “I don’t think any special qualities are needed to be a mother of a special needs child.” ( Couldn’t do anything better. I was LIVE!)

Though, after coming home, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I know it’s easier to put us mothers into some sort of a cloud and declare us the bravest, the strongest, the most patient and the craziest of all but we really are just like any other mother!

I have a 12 year old son and trust me it’s not easier to deal with the ever changing hormones than it is to deal with my daughter with Down syndrome.

A mother is a mother. Whether it’s a child who is white, black, brown, with hair, without hair, with special needs or neuro- typical. A mother doesn’t have to grow a tail to become a special needs mother, it comes naturally. Just like nobody has to teach you to hold your baby or to feel that love in your heart. It just happens. When you have a child who needs you more than others, you just be there, without worrying if you can or cannot.

And that’s the reason I have started hating the adjectives I used to love associating myself with,

‘You must be so brave!’

‘It is not easy to bring up ‘such’ kids.’

‘You are so strong, I couldn’t have done that.’

‘God trust only those who can handle the responsibility’

so on and so forth…

All I want to say to all the people out there who feel the same emotion that,

Dear concerned people of the world,

A parent is a parent and a mother is a mother. The special abilities that you develop when your child is sick and you have to stay up three nights in a row are not different than what we mothers of special need children have; it’s just that such nights come often in our lives.

Our kids look as cute, lovely and huggable to us as yours look to you and even if they behave erratic, loud and weird; we do not need that sympathy. You want to be friends? Just say hello! And we are happy.

No, we mothers of special needs kids do not have wings or special powers, we just have love, acceptance and loads of work, you want to share some of that, then we can definitely be friends!

And the most important of all is that we all are brave, we all are strong.  Dealing with kids is difficult and we all are learning that along the way and we both should understand and appreciate the same.

p.s. The new mothers with special needs children, RELAX!

Yours

Mother of a special needs child

image credit:cosmopolitan.sg

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