I never thought this question from my son would make me go duck and try hard for answers and mind you he wasn’t even asking about birds and bees. Instead he was asking about my childhood. But it turned out to be trickier than everything I’ve faced so far. Question like if I was a stickler for rules? Did I always do what my parents ask for? Did I ever bunk a class? Or the worst did I ever lie to them? I wouldn’t say I wasn’t expecting the question parade considering we had just gone to my parents place and had a gala time looking at my childhood pictures and talking to my parents and sisters in general about the good old days and how different or not so different things were then. The good part is that not the entire conversation was worth the attention of my son but few anecdotes here and there were taken into account by my over observant 12 years old.
I have never had qualms accepting the fact that while I was quite a rebel in childhood, I am turning out to be more like my parents now but these sudden questions made me realise the importance of something I never gave enough attention to and if I was comfortable sharing it all with our children. Obviously we all portray a different image of ourselves in front of our children and would like to make them think how abiding we were for rules and how we were always appreciative of our parents without ever answering back but what we don’t realise is that our kids are smarter than we were and can figure out a lot of things without us telling them otherwise.
I found myself to be unprepared for the questions but I had no choice than to decide quickly which way I would like to go. Trust me it’s not as easy as it sounds, especially if you have a preteen going through the hormonal storm at home. I thought for a second and then chose to take a dangerous path. I chose to tell him the truth. I did not decide that because I am an idealist but because I knew my son would be able to identify with those emotions much more given that he is on the verge of his teenage. I told him that I was not a stickler for rules, that I was almost a rebel, always questioning the authorites and telling myself that no matter what but I am going to raise my kids differently. But as I grew up I realised the importance of rules and studies and I did realise that my parents were right, just like what he is going to think about me when he is raising his own kids.
The truth is that every generation when they are on the brink of adulthood feels that everything their fathers and forefathers have been doing is wrong and how they have better wisdom and ideas to change what they feel is ‘old school’, realising little that certain things are in practice for a reason. Parents make a fuss for a reason and it is important to listen to them for a reason.
I gave him some examples of my friends who were the coolest in school defying all the rules and who we used to look up to in awe and how some of them are not in a great shape now. I also told him to do whatever your heart says but to not give into the peer pressure or other pressures because that doesn’t mean anything in the long run and bigger scheme of things. I confessed that I did lie to my parents on some occasions but felt terrible later and how today I would like to change that if I could.
It turned out to be a great lesson for both of us. For my son because he got some great life lessons and for me because now on I can openly share some of my nasty childhood stories with him. What would you’ve done if your child had asked you the same thing?
