When I first heard about the concept of parenting, I was amused, even skeptical! I thought of it only as a fad which was going to die a natural death in the years to come. With the kind of brought up most of us had in 70s or 80s these concepts were thought to be a little whimsical. We were told directly and indirectly that when you become parents, parenting comes naturally! We believed and agreed, in spite of the resenting children and authoritarian parenting practices that were on display at every possible place, we agreed that overnight after being parents, we’ll become more patient, more accepting, better decision maker, critical thinker and of course a better manager and much more.
For most of the parents, “parenting is mostly what was done to them,” Good or bad is irrelevant! If our parents told us to study and how academics and marks are going to be the sole reason for our happy future; inspite of sulking at that time and even now in our jobs, we believed them. And today, without really giving those methods any second thought, we are proud in taking that legacy forward. After all we were raised to abide, to not ask questions, to take things at their face value and in large or small measures we expect the same from our children, but the real question is if this is how we want to raise tomorrow’s global citizens?
The world has seen more dramatic and drastic change in every possible field in last few decades and the things we never thought possible are being invented and adopted. New professions are being created and the new generation is finding more ways than ever to find their true calling or questioning the status quo. In such a dynamic world, not equipping ones’s children with information, flexibility, creativity and adaptability can be disastrous. But we need to understand a very crucial point here; You can only give what you have!
If you as parents are not flexible, accepting or non-judgemental, you can’t expect the same from your child. Though the good part is, it is not difficult to change! and this can be acquired more easily if parents know that it is going to benefit their child greatly! for example, many of my friends and people from my generation have witnessed the real parenting in the form of an occasional slap or a nice good beating however, we don’t do that anymore! We’ve learnt that it is not a good idea to teach by physical punishments. This shows that we can learn if we know it will help our children.
Learning to be a conscious parent is similar! If you know what skills you need to teach, you can acquire them yourself and then go on imparting!
A few days ago, one mother called to ask if she should see a psychologist as suggested by the school for her son as he is not being his true self. She was told that, he was being secretive, not performing well in studies and have gone in a shell; and my friend’s perception of a ‘disciplinarian mother’ didn’t help her reaching out to him. This was going on for months. My friend believed that a mother knows her child the best and doesn’t need a psychologist to teach her how to be a parent. She called me to see what I thought about the same. I asked her, if she has ever taken her child to a paediatrician? if yes, then why? She is the mother. She is supposed to have all the answers or medicines! She got the sarcasm and the child soon got some help, he needed!
The truth is that even for really basic jobs that need handling of the machines, one needs training of some kind but for handling the most valuable resource of a family and the nation, we mostly rely on what we’ve observed ( not necessarily learnt) two decades ago. The challenges our children face are different and new, and to help them deal with those we mostly rely on our prejudiced notions, stale information and limited knowledge of this ever changing world!
I know there can be many reasons to learn more about parenting but here are the 6 most important:
1. We are living in different times than when we were raised.
2. The band-aid approach doesn’t any more work in parenting.
3. We don’t have half a dozen children to experiment parenting.
4. We want better relationship with our children.
5. We are living in nuclear families so we are mostly a one man or two men army
6. It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men!
Parenting is an ever evolving skill set. One doesn’t need a degree but it is always good to observe, introspect, reflect and take timely action. It will not only help our children but will also help us in being a better parent version of ourselves.
Do share your opinions. It matters!
