Parenting or special needs parenting is different yet same. Losing yourself in any of them is a sure shot way to be miserable. The happiness flows from inside to outside and not the other way round! Just like you learn to be happy, you learn and can get proficient in being unhappy! It’s the same skill set that it takes to see the half glass empty.
While most of the mothers I know have come out of those pits of cynicism, denials and anger, yet there are a few who are struggling to let go of this trap of emotions. This article is dedicated to those resilient ones who wear the unhappy state of their minds like a family jewel! If you sneer at shelves of self-help books or avoid them like the plague, then you are just the person who would appreciate these 16 ways to remain unhappy! Please feel free to add to the list.
1. Always feel sorry for yourself. The reason your child has a special need is because you somewhere did something wrong. You’ve not been able to figure that out yet but you soon will.
2. Try as many therapies as you can. Any new workshop, new speaker and a new programme that makes you pay more than you can afford, needs to be done. The more the charges, the better the results! Because you know by now; the more the charges, less the guilt!
3. Don’t let your child do anything, anything at all! Right from giving a glass of water to dressing them up. Everything needs to be done for them. You are a mother and this is the purpose of your life. The child is already given a harsh enough condition, making them work for themselves would be adding on to it. Don’t forget, there is a reason you exist.
4. Stop looking after yourself. Your needs are irrelevant. You are officially done with your life. Now it’s your child’s turn.
5. Plan your food around your child’s desires. Make him the centre of your cooking. Your child should never eat what he/she doesn’t like. Also, you should only eat what your child likes. Remember motherhood is not for the faint-hearted!
6. Stop spending time with your spouse. Why doesn’t he understand that the passion is over and flirting irritates you. He needs to know that you’d rather read about the new therapy in town than spend time with him. You are on a mission, Mom!
Also read: Special Needs Mothers: Slow Down Before It’s Too Late!
7. Never get out of your pyjamas. Look sad, clumsy and washed out. You are a special needs mother and you should look the part! ALWAYS!
8. Stop having SEX! Sex is for lesser mortals who have desires. You are a mother of a special needs child. What’s wrong with you?
9. Stop having a life. Stop going out or having friends. The only friend you need now is Google! Also, stop going out of the house except for the therapies. Every waking minute should be spent thinking and reading about all that you can think and read.
10. Let siblings never take responsibility of their brother/sister. Never let them feel the need to contribute. Let them live their life. Feel bad for them for having a sibling with special needs. They should not be over burdened by this person who happens to be their brother/sister, instead they should live their life the way they would’ve lived if they were a single child. Tell them how bad you feel for them and then go back to point one.
11. Spend at least two-three hours everyday on Whatsapp and Facebook! You do have a right to have some socialisation! live it fully. and don’t forget to stay restricted to the topics of disability, lest your mind starts to wander.
12. Don’t discipline your child with special needs. Understand that he/she is already suffering and disciplining would add to their already difficult life. If he acts up, throw tantrums, behave badly, accept it as a part of disability deal!
13. Do all the thinking for your child. You are the mother, you know the best!
14. Stop listening to sane advise: Remember that you are a special needs parent who has read ample blogs, articles and books and now you know everything there is to know! You know it all and should never listen to other parents, your friends and others who may have a thing or two to say. In face stop talking to everyone.
15. Never make a short term or a long term plan. Take each day as it comes. Try everything for a few days and if you don’t see the results in one week, change! You can’t afford to give more time to one thing!
16. Compare! Compare your child to other children with similar disabilities! It has to be done at least once a day to a few times a day to be truly unhappy.
If you are offended, change something and if you are smiling or even smirking, our mission is done! Have a good day!
