Motherhood brings a spectrum of emotions along with the arrival of a new born. From unconditional love, postpartum depression, worry for the safety, to the exaggerated anxiety, a new mother goes through the emotions that are not only new but also exhausting.
Out of all, the positive ones like the unconditional love and care can make a woman enriched for life but at the same time few emotions like anxiety if not handled well, can take a toll on not only mother’s but children’s mental and emotional health.
Anxiety comes in all shapes and sizes. We all have seen mothers who change their paediatrician every few months and those who would take the longest in the PTMs discussing anything and everything with the teachers, or those who’d keep instructing or nagging the child all through the day to make sure he is using every hour and every second predictably and productively.
While some anxiety is normal and a part of being a mother but the problem arises when mothers are always worried about their children’s safety, education, health, future and everything that can possibly be worried about and the other side is when mothers criticise their children more and more and often express doubts about their ability to perform a task. According to a research parents can pass on this anxiety to their children because looking at you, is the way children learn to deal with stress.
If you feel that you are constantly worried or are excessively anxious about your children, you should stop yourself right there, take a deep breath and remind yourself that most of your fears are useless, baseless and that you are ruining them of precious self confidence because this would mean that eventually everything new that they would do, they would look around for social approvals and this could mean a serious flaw in their personality and a setback in their careers.
But what could possibly a mother do? Some mothers think that they are wired that way, which is a completely wrong notion to have. The famous quote which says that “Mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible master’, can’t explain any better. So in order to raise strong minded, independent and confident children, one must be in control of their minds and know when it is going that anxiety path. But then the question arises that how to go about it and what to do? So, the first thing is to observe your own self. Try and see how many times in a day you are worried about one thing or the other and how many times your fear come true. Also see if your kids directly or indirectly tell you that you nag too much or you are constantly on their back shouting instructions? Does your husband too feel that you should give your children some more space than you currently do. If any of this is correct than you are doing more harm to your kids than you can possibly imagine.
So what’s the solution? Here are 5 things that would help you to keep your anxiety in check and for which your children are going to be thankful to you.
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Be Mindful:
This is the first step in taking a corrective action. Be mindful of the fact that you get over anxious and you need to work on it and after that the road becomes easier to manage. While anxiety is a normal emotion, it is extremely important how we show our kids how to manage it.
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React less:
or at least use fewer words to react. This goes a long way in helping a parent otherwise as well. Try to plan your words next time a certain thing happens. Or try no reactions for few things that your kids are conditioned to get one. In short be aware of your communication style when your children do or don’t do something and also try not to show lack of faith or be overly critical in your child’s abilities. Some mothers can also communicate their anxiety through non-verbal expressions. So stay guard. Constant instructions like don’t climb this, you’d fall, don’t go there, its dark, be careful, don’t do this or stop doing that are some common examples of anxiety.
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Let them learn by their own mistakes:
By always being there and telling them what to do every hour of the day, you are robbing your children of confidence because unless they make mistakes and face the music, they would not gain the lesson out of it. So next time your child is watching TV and has still not finished his homework, try and stay calm. Tell him to finish the work and if he doesn’t listen, don’t get all worked up and anxious. Let him go to the school without the homework and face the music. This would be a great lesson for him to learn.
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Have a life:
Not having a life is also one of the greatest reasons for having an over indulgent and over anxious attitude in life. If you go out, have a friend circle, are socially active and pursue some passion in life, it changes you for good and also helps you develop an insight and appreciate others’ life and privacy too.
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Meditate and work out:
This is extremely important. Meditation not only relaxes the nerves but also helps in concentrating on your thoughts. Similarly regular work outs can help your brain get more Oxytocin, leaving you happier and rejuvenated and feeling less anxious.
Share with us if you’ve ever experienced anxiety and when you thought you were over doing it and also how you did realise and overcame that phase.
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