I had always thought of writing letters to my daughter, long before she was even born. So madly in love I was with this ‘image’ of having a beautiful soft bundle of joy in my hands that I had already made a list in my head about all the things I would ever do with her, or to her. Writing letters was one of them. I always assumed she would not live with us for long (she was to go to some far away Ivy- League College to pursue some fancy degree) and I would never have enough of her on the phone so I would be writing to her every month.
This was the plan but as they say ‘God has a different plan for you,’ so the plan got changed a little when I found out about her diagnosis of Down syndrome and got into ‘the frantic pace of my changed motherhood’ to think about all that I had planned for her and how all those things were taken over in one stroke. The days were filled with fear, sadness and lots of crying, the nights were spent googling and worrying about her future. Of course eventually things were settled as they always do and I got a better grasp at my over flowing emotions and my needless worries.
It wasn’t until very recently, when I was cleaning my cupboard and found some old letters that I had written to my husband before we got married, when I thought of rekindling the same habit. I got so much joy from reading those tiny pieces of paper that I decided to do the same for my little angel. I wanted her to get the happiness in the words that her mama had put on the paper just for her. Soon, I wrote this one, and thought of sharing with all the wonderful special mothers who I know would want to do the same sometime.
My honey bee,
I don’t know where you are while reading this letter. You might be in a college, your apartment or in your bedroom upstairs, but I do know wherever you are, you are reading it fluently and with the biggest smile on your face. I would like to tell you that eighteen years ago when I got to know that you were a little more special than everybody else, I was scared and wondered if I would be able to take good care of you! I was scared about you, about me and about a lot of things which really don’t matter now, but you proved me so wrong. You brought more smiles in our life than we could have ever imagined. Today I want to tell you a few things that I would like you to always remember.
You Are Beautiful!
Yes, you are and never let anybody else tell you otherwise. Beauty doesn’t come in one size. It comes in all shapes and sizes and you are BEAUTIFUL in every possible way. There will be days when you may not like yourself in the mirror. Believe me, it happens to almost all the women (even to the really really good looking ones) but the important thing is to not let it affect you. Own your body, look after it, respect it and feel good about it. I know you can do all of that and more.
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You Can Do Everything
Trust me, I am not saying this because I am your mom. I am saying this because you are a strong girl. Come on! How many of us get an open heart surgery when being super tiny, or get years of therapies, work so hard and emerge as winners. You have done all of that already. So I have no doubts that you can do everything and I will always be there to clap for you and cheer for you.
We Are All Born Different And So Are You
Yes, you have Down syndrome! It makes you a little slower than others but I have a lazy syndrome and that makes me the slowest! Never think if you were born without this extra chromosome, the life would’ve been better or perfect. It was always meant to happen this way. You were destined to come in our lives, you were meant to be here with us and nothing would have been better than this. Trust me on this, I am your Mom.
Life Is Difficult
It is supposed to be! It is going to be, but that should be the reason for you to live it with all that you have. With all the courage that you have shown, I know you are one strong girl and with that persistence combined with hard work, this life would open the doorway to success for you. You are going to have bad days, meet mean people and be in bad mood. Deal with them on your own because I know you can and when you think you need help, come to me, we will kick the butt of everything that is wrong.
Love Will Help You
This abundance of love that you have in your heart will help you do everything and reach every heart. It will help you make friends, meet strangers and survive in this world. There is scarcity of it and I know you can fill every heart with your unconditional love up to the brim. Your best asset is your happy face and your smile that reaches your eyes, don’t change that about you. You are the most adorable person I know and that is going to be your weapon against all the prejudices in this world and I know you shall overcome everything.
We Will Always Love You
This comes without saying, but I would like to tell this to you today, tomorrow and forever. Our love for you will never end. Your Papa might not tell this to you everyday, but he loved you even before you were born. You are the strawberry of his eyes. And you might think your brother gives you a hard time but he loves you the most too. You are going to be our honey bee forever. We will always be by your side and we will always hold your hand whenever you need us.
In the end I would like to tell you that you are the best thing that has happened to me and If I could pick and choose my life again, trust me I would choose the same life and I would always choose you to be my daughter. I am proud of you and will always be.
Lots of love