Iamnotanexpert on ‘worrying’,butIamamotherandthatdefinitelyestablishesmyexpertiseon‘AddictionOfWorry!’Weallcansayordowhateverwewant,butonethingIcanabsolutelyvouchforonthebehalfofalltheparentsofchildrenwithspecialneedsisthatweworrytoomuch!Alotoftimesweworrybecausewehaveto,butat all othertimes,wechoosetostayinthisperpetualstateofworryingasthisfeelinggivesusasenseofrelief.Wehavebeentoldorshownhowparentsaresupposedtobeconstantlytensedabouteverythingthattheirchildrenarenotdoing.Andwithoutmuchconsciousthought,weimbibethesame.
Wedoknowthatconstantworrycanposeaseriousthreattoourhealthandthatafterafewyears,itismostlyanindulgencewhichmightnotleadtoanyfruition,butwejustliketodoit.Wecanworryaboutprettymucheverythingthatcanbe ‘worriedabout,’fromwhattherapytochoosetowhatschooltoselect;from‘losingoutonthe‘superexpensiveprogram”to ‘a missedappointment’,therighttoworryiscopyrightedbyus.Iamaworriertoo,andIamverypossessiveaboutmyworries.NobodyunderstandsthembetterthanIdobutlatelywhenIrealised what thishabitofbeinginthe‘never-ending’stateofworrywasdoingtomyphysicalandmentalwell-being,Idecidedtotakeanaction.AndthisishowIamplanningondoingit.Hopeyou’dgetsomeideasheretomakethejourneyalittlelessworrisome…
1. Plan Yesterday, Live Today And Worry Tomorrow
I know nowmostofyoumustbesmirkingatthisideathinkinghowitisjustimpossible,evenmoresoforusparentsofchildrenwithvariousspecialneeds.Wehavetoworrytomakeitbetterforourkids. And wehavetoworryaboutthefoodthatheiseatingornoteating!Wehavetobeonourtoestoseewedon’tmissoutonanythingnewthatcanmakeevenasmallounceofdifference.
OnethingI’verealisedaftermeetingalotofparentsandspeakingtothem often isthatweallputourenergiesintheexactoppositetohowitshouldideallybespent.Mostofusworkwithverybiggoalsandgetdisappointediftheresultsarenotproportionatetotheeffort.Forinstance,ifachildisnotabletounderstandordosumsofadditionorcountuntil100,wegetworriedandkeeppushingthemuntil,eithertheygetbored,orwegetdrainedofourenergies.
Mysuggestionistokeeplookingatthebiggerpicturerealisticallytoo;weknowmathsremainsanareaofdifficultyforafewofourchildren,somaybethereisanotherwaywecanteachortakethisup.Ourgoalisnottomakethemcramcountingor 50 moresightwordsinthelongrun.Thebiggerchallengeisimpartingthe‘lifeorfunctionalskills.’Sonow,Itrynottolosemysleepforthesesmallerthingswhichmydaughterwilllearneventually. The moreimportantthingformenowistotrytoalignmysmalllearningobjectiveswith ‘TheBig Picture.’
3. Learn The Art Of ‘Waiting’
Asmuchaswehateit, mostofourlife’sanswersliein‘waitingforsomemoretime.’Wefretabout ourchildnotbeingabletowalk,run, or climbstairs.Waitforsometimeandhedoesallofthisandmore.Hecan’tcommunicate!Wait,hewill!Alotoftimeswetryreallyhardandgetimpatienttooearlyandthisleadstogreaterdisappointments.
Iwouldliketoshareanexample;Aarshiawasprettynon-verbaluntilshewasabout 6. Sheusedtoconverseinnouns,specificwordsorsignsandwasn’tevensaying2-3wordsentencesinspiteofmetryingeverythingIcould.Iwasconstantlycomparinghertootherkidsherageandwasalmostalwaysworriedaboutit.’Anyway,bettersenseprevailed,andItriedthisgoldentherapycalled ‘waiting!‘ Iwaitedfor a year or soandvoila!Sheisatalkinggunaroundthehousenow.Sheisframingsentencesonherown.Herclarityofwordsisgettingbetterandthattoowithoutspendinganyadditionalresources.AllIdidwastofacilitatetheprocessbymakingthehomeenvironmentlittlemoreconducivetotalking.Wewereexplainingeverythingtoher,talkingmorethanrequiredandthattotallydidit.Sostoppushingyourselftoohard,learntowait!
4. Don’t Make Your Child The Centre Of Your Universe
Iknowthismaysoundtotallyoppositetowhatpopularparentingsiteskeeptellingyoubuttrustme,asamother,Ibelievethisholdstrueforeverysingleparent.Iknowhavingachildwithspecialneedsinyourfamilychangesthecoreofyourfamilydynamics,andsometimesfewchangesaremandatory.However,ifyoutrytomodifyandtransformtheverybasicsofyouroryourfamily’slife,basedonthenewentrant,itmightresultin long-term dissatisfaction among siblings and other family members.
This is straightaway lifted from my favourite movie series ‘Before sunrise/sunset/midnight.’ Intheirlatestfilm,theleadactorsaretryingtotalkaboutasituationinhand,andthehusbandsuggeststoapproachitrationallyandunemotionally,almostasifitisbeing proposedforsomeoneelse.Thatimmediatelystruckachordwithme.Iknowforafactthatmanytimeswedothingsoutofguiltand over flowing emotions andnotbecausewehavelookedatitobjectively.
Henceforth, IwouldliketosharewhatIdobeforetryingoutanythingnewandespeciallysomethingthatwillrequirealotofresources.Iwait,research,talkto other parentsandseeformyself.Forinstance,beforetryinganewprogram,Iwouldliketoknowifitsresultsareproportionatetomespendingtwoimportanthourscommutingormanagingtheschedules.Andmostofthetimes,Irealisethatmothersareabiggerandabetterresourcethanwhatiswrappedinabeautifulpackagecalledanew‘therapy’,andifnotallthetimeIstillliketotalkaboutsometangibleresultsofpeoplewhohavedoneitinthepast.Sobealittleobjectiveaboutanynewtherapy,course,programyouwanttocommitto.Sometimesdetachmentworksbetterthanattachment.
We put all our children into the care of the One who made them and trust that God whose gifts put man’s plans to shame will have a wonderful future in store for them.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less travelled by, And that has made all the difference.
Wow this was very inspirational i truely needed this.
Thanks Jetter 🙂 Glad you liked it.
We put all our children into the care of the One who made them and trust that God whose gifts put man’s plans to shame will have a wonderful future in store for them.
Well said Leticia. thanks for writing this.