Dear Facebook, Life without you!

Once upon a time we had a life. And then Facebook happened. Do you remember when there was laughter, talking, gossiping and the general tendency of having a good time without a constant pressure of sharing it. Not so long ago when we didn’t have to take a picture of everything we were doing, eating or indulging in. When we could live in the moment;  the moment of love, laughter and solace, without summoning the entire world in it. When holidays were meant to be spent blissfully away from all, without the need to boast about the best meal or the greatest time we had. The time when years used to go by without sharing your opinion to 5 friends and 150 ‘not really’ friends.

When places were not chosen based on their photogenic abilities and reunions happened once in 5 years (it’s not technically a reunion if you are talking everyday on Facebook). The days when we were not supposed to have Facebook perfect houses or lives and when every thought in the realm of the brain was not to be shared And when it was ok to not know that our almost forgotten friend is in the life altering dilemma of choosing between a red and a black dress.

dear Facebook life without you

Those who think I am an alien from 80s, should know that I too am a Facebook user and not a cynical, Neophobe maniac who doesn’t know the never imaginable way Facebook has changed us. Yes, I understand and one has to be a complete moron to not thank Facebook for giving us the platform humanity always needed.

We needed a tool to see how terrible our ex is doing or looking. We needed to know the hottest spoilt brat in the school losing that enviable body after kids and we surely needed to know how, we couldn’t have survived without befriending 500 people we hardly know anything about.

Facebook Is Eternal

Facebook is eternal and omnipresent. And it isn’t alone. It has got friends too. Twitter, google plus, instagram, pinterest and the endless list of other online social refuges.

All these are our homes away from home. Where we can get respite and freedom. The freedom to say what we want to, even if it’s not needed; to give our opinions on the topics we know nothing about, to get into arguments and disagreements over trivial things and lose precious friendships; to get socially and politically motivated to believe what we think we believe but which we didn’t really believe in the first place.

All these social homes are created because you can never possibly survive with just one. It’s like buying a Home shop 18 product and getting 10 small complementary packages,

You wonder how evolution even happened without Facebook because now it seems we are not getting genetically better without it. We need to constantly find better and smarter ways to stay updated. You may share one picture on Facebook, but in order to show the world that you are not merely human, but an evolved, technically gifted, socially networked, digitally inclined, rocking, awesome, super human you’ve got to be on other platforms too.

dear Facebook life without you

When Should You Be On Facebook?

Always! Facebook is all about being on time and this is one thing you cannot afford to miss! If you are not on Facebook every waking hour, you might lose! You might lose on the reality bite, tear worthy motivational videos, politically motivated social videos, ready to be hugged cute puppies and baby videos, revelations, confessions, and pictures/videos of that fat friend making your day. So you better be there all the time, telling everybody that you are still alive and kicking!! You can kick yourself too sometime for ruining your family life, but remember what will make you happy and famous in the long run 🙂

After years of research, the formulae for a great social life has also been invented and guess what, it isn’t too difficult. Nobody knew so far but there is a recipe for success too which is evidence and research based. All you need to succeed digitally is 5 status update with 3 pictures each, 9 tweets, 8 instagram photos, 6 Pinterest uploads and some motivational quotes to help those lesser mortals and you are done for the day. We can always order the dinner from our favourite restaurant!! The priorities have to be in the right place.

Now after all this ranting, guess what I am going to do with this piece. I don’t think you have to be a genius to know. Of course I will post it on Facebook!

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